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A lil’ story about finding your true self
The day was cool, not as cold with the blanket of leaves above him, but mild at least, as his eyes skimmed the dark texture of trunks all around him. Solace, peaceful, yet an aching feeling was creeping into Fredric’s being.
It wasn’t always like this.
2 years previous
Starting down the dirt path, grass yellowed by the cold. Fredric looked around him at his hometown bustling with people going to and fro their houses, selling goods and small talking. As he looks up, he takes in with awe the small buds of leaves sprouting on trees in their tiny clusters — brightly shining and then darkening as sunlight peered from behind the pillowy clouds.
Fredric was almost lost in a trance, until he felt a presence around him as people quickly walked past, giving small glances yet minding their business. Sighing, Fredric walked along to his parents house, feeling nothing even as the northerly winds swept through his copper hair, bristling his face.
Thuds were heard throughout the house as Fredric stepped inside his home, a warm scent in the air. He took off his big, brown boots at the door; the sound echoing through the house. Looking over, his mother called out,
“Have some dinner! Your friends are already here, Fredric.”
Fredric gave a small chuckle, yet his face didn’t light up as he walked into the dining room, faces cheering up at him as he took a seat at the table.
As the sounds of voices grew louder, Fredric ate his venison and hardly glanced around. Nothing was different, whether it was the conversation or the scrapping sounds of knives hitting the meat & vegetables. It was as if a grayscale filter enveloped each member of the dining table, surrounding them except for Fredric — who was observing how no one personally asked him anything, despite his friends knowing him for years.
Even as a kid, life was normal, maybe too normal. Games were played and work was done, but nothing appealed to Fredric. He had no one to relate to, so his life felt as cold as the northerly winds cooling the countryside — taking the color away from each & every plant. There was no interest in anything he was doing, no excitement.
As Fredric’s mind brewed, he knew he had to take a chance — a risk to get away from it all. To live in solace because people had no interest in understanding him.
Nibbling at his veggies in thought, the voices seemed to hush around him. Though this was only because Fredric’s mind was too deep in thought to hear anything being said.
In the morning, I swear that I will leave and find a place to truly call home. Somewhere without people to keep me from my true potential.
In the forest
Leaving the house, he trudged through the snow; leaving thick tread marks behind. It had taken some persuasion to tell his family not to look for him, that this was something he wanted to do. Even if he was disappointed when his family frowned and called it a “short phase”, he was determined to go along with it. Glancing back, he caught his mother’s eye for an instant before she hurried inside.
A few weeks later, after having learned to hunt game and scavenge among the vegetation, Fredric felt truly satisfied.
Having gotten himself settled, he didn’t care for the mountain lions and coyotes he would hear at night, nor not having a sense of stability in a house with its comforting scent of cardamom. Fredric knew that being a part of the wilderness was what excited him, a sense of survival of being alone and strategizing each day how he would eat and where he would sleep.
No more was he doing the daily grind that left his soul feeling depleted! Now, as he gazed up at the canopy of new leaves attached to outstretched branches — he felt more alive than he ever had.
2 years later
The day cold, Fredric knew it’d been 2 winters since he had been living in the forest. He knew this by noting it was the 2nd time the leaves had sprouted from the branches. After craving their presence all winter long, feeling empty without their bright greenery, they had finally grown. Except, even with the peacefulness and solace that he’d been enjoying, there was still an aching feeling that he couldn’t discern growing inside of him.
That desire only grew as the leaves turned from bright clusters to full, lush leaves forming a canopy over his head once again. These leaves also providing food for him since his storage was nearly depleted.
Though Fredric did as he had been, walking among the forest, listening to the browned leaves crumpling under his feet. He watched squirrels race through branches, sometimes falling left-over acorns from the winter near his head, which he would swiftly catch in his hands — breaking them open for a snack. He continued hiking, making note of his surroundings while enjoying the mild coolness of the forest.
Suddenly, the branches parted and a steep mountainside was before him. Not a few feet ahead as one might think, but over thousands of feet — yet he was able to see clearly because of the trees parting wide enough over the long distance.
His eyes lit up with the sudden space, which the trees being close together before wouldn’t let him feel. Without thinking, Fredric walked quickly for over an hour to the mountain’s incline, observing around him change as he paced. The forest inclined along with Fredric as he walked upwards, yet slowly becoming sparse. Gusts of cold wind whipping his face.
As he hiked higher and higher the air felt clear and the ground gradually became whiter as evidence that snow had recently fallen.
Fredric hardly noticed his surroundings because of the treacherous climb as rocks and snow started causing more friction in his path. Yet somehow he didn’t care — after being in the forest for so long, he didn’t notice how much he needed the space.
After spending who knows how long climbing up, he reached the peak of the mountain and was moved to look up, partially from sensing how much air there was around him.
Above the clear sky of night, the last warm rays of the sunset disappeared and were replaced by icy white stars and the deep, blue to black sky. Fredric begun thinking about his time in the forest, being all alone, only for the purpose of scavenging for himself under the comforting coolness of the leaves. Yet, he found greater purpose here in the open thinking, It’s been so long since I felt this good.
Gazing at the sky, twinkling stars, cool air grazing his skin. The vast landscape of mountains, towns, and forest below him. Seeing life suddenly all at once instead of only a small glimpse within the forest got Fredric reflecting on where his true potential may be.
Before starting the long hike back into the forest, he paused, wanting to feel freedom just a second more…
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The next day
Fredric having climbed down the mountain the night before and given himself time to rest, decided that he had given isolation a chance but now wanted more in life — finding people who would love him for who he was.
Walking under the open sky with mountains scattered throughout the horizon, forest long behind him.
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Author’s Note:
After hearing the song FLAAKLYPA by K-391 just yesterday, I did all the research I could to decipher the meaning. The lyrics were so profound to me that I felt that I could really understand them. Then, when I saw the writing contest for Story Saturday’s Pub, I couldn’t help but join in! I had been wanting to channel my inner storyteller for a few years after all.
This story takes many details from the song, but is also a representation of my own experiences and understanding what it means to feel your true potential — being with people who understand & support you.
If you found any parts of the story relatable I’d love to know! Thank you to Mil Hoornaert & Mahmoud Mamo for giving me the chance to share my story in this welcoming space ❤️